Let's talk about love. In 1973, John Lee interviewed hundreds of people in order to find out more about love. He was determined to explain and categorize the different ways that people love. Through his interviews, he created a taxonomy. A way to tag various kinds of love and gave them Greek names. Agape, eros, storge, pragma, mania, and ludos. Agape is selfless, non-demanding, altruistic love. Full of commitment, agape is unconditional, and unbreakable. Eros is romantic, passionate love. The stuff of novels. Erotic love is fast and deep, emotional and intense. It's based upon physical attraction, and strong commitment. Storge is friendship love. In storge love, there are lower levels of passion, that's deep in respect and commitment. It's a merging of friendship and love. Physical attraction is less important, but shared activities form the basis of the bond. While there aren't intense emotional or physical connections, the shared interest and commitment lead to an enduring connection. Pragma is practical, logical love. The pragmatic lover has already decided who he or she should love, and has a ready list of attributes the person must have. It's deep in commitment, but shallow in passion. They're looking for a compatible mate to share their common goals. Mania is possessive and dependent love. Often, the manic lover hopes to win the love of another. It's an unhappy state to be in. They desperately want to be loved, and they may even try to win the love of others. This type of love is often jealous, and even more often unhappy. Finally there's ludos, the game-playing love. The hunt for love and attention is all part of the game. They love the chase. Emotional involvement isn't as deep, and ludic lovers may even be suspicious of commitment. Sex is for pleasure and not for a bonding experience. Ludic love can involve deception, manipulation, and multiple partners. Of these six types of love, sensation seekers tend to score highest in ludos, the game-playing love. This attraction to ludic love may be why long-term relationships can be problematic for some high-sensation seekers. Being in a long-term relationship calls for commitment, compromise and a willingness to be vulnerable to let someone know you deeply. But it also requires a certain boredom tolerance. Something some high-sensation seekers just aren't good at. Being with the same person, year after year just doesn't provide the same thrill that hunting for a new relationship delivers. I interviewed Anne, a woman who once dropped everything, gave up her apartment, and took off for Samoa on a whim. She told me she loves skydiving, zip-lining, and flying in helicopters preferably, over active volcanoes. She chuckled when I asked her about jumping out of perfectly good planes. "My main opponent in everyday life is boredom. And high-sensation seekers do not only jump out of perfectly good planes, I also leave perfectly good jobs, homes, and relationships, because I get bored. It definitely happens in my sex life. I do seem to get bored with the same partners after a period of time, no matter how exciting it is. Two years is usually the cut off. Now I don't want to give either wrong idea. That doesn't mean they cheat on anyone. It's more like I'm a serial monogamous. If that makes sense." It's probably obvious that sensation seeking would predict certain things about individual sex life. Those with high-sensation seeking personalities, seek greater amounts and more intense sensations and arousal in the bedroom too. Sensation seekers have more permissive attitudes towards sex, and more varied types of sexual experiences, and with more partners. High-sensation seeking individuals may also seek more intense sexual situations, and unplanned encounters. Dr. Hoyle and colleagues reviewed all the studies relating to major personality traits and sexual risk factors. Sexual risk taking was defined by number of partners, having unprotected sex, and high risk sexual encounters such as having sex with a stranger. Sensation seeking is correlated with all three. In fact, when you take into account all types of personality traits, sensation seeking may be the best way to predict risky sexual encounters. For example, in the young adult population, high-sensation seekers were more likely to have had sex, intended to have sex in the near future, had unwanted sex under pressure, and were more likely to have unwanted sex when drunk. It isn't only their attraction to ludic love that may make it difficult for some high-sensation seekers to maintain long-term relationships. It turns out that for all their gifts, some high-sensation seekers may struggle with a core concept in relating with other people. Emotional intelligence. More on that, in our next lesson.
